Enthusiastically Loving & Appreciating Life in the Moment
Updated: Dec 12, 2018
We have all heard many references about us not appreciating what we have in the present. Two that immediately come to my mind are:
"You never know what you've got til its gone."
"There is not but one good job, the one you left, and the one you are going to."
(from my days in corporate HR)
Of course there are many more, and how many have we heard relating to personal relationships! I thought about this the other day while listening to the radio. I heard a song I had heard many times before over the years. The song, written by Rupert Holmes, is called: Escape, The Pina Colada Song (published by The Holmes Line of Music; WB Music Corp.). Note: This was actually the US #1 song of the 1970's!
The song is about a man who is bored with his current relationship. It has become routine and stale.
Lyrics: I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
Laying in bed and reading, he comes across a personal ad in the newspaper from a woman seeking a man who enjoys some of the same things she is looking for.
Lyrics: If you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape
Intrigued, he responds to the ad and makes arrangements to meet her "at a bar called O'Malley's" so they can plan their "escape." He waits at the bar with "high hopes." When she walks in he immediately recognizes her smile, "the curves on her face." The woman he was excited to meet was in fact his current partner. The song ends on an upbeat note as they laugh together and realize they have more in common than either of them had realized. They realize that they do not have to look any further than each other to have what they seek in a relationship.
There are many lessons that can be taken from this song. Do we really take the time to know, to remember, to appreciate, the partner we are currently with? How many allow ourselves to "grow apart?" How many of us take for granted that which is right before us?
In my upcoming book, "Successful Relationships, It's Simpler Than You Think" I talk about the growth of partners:
It is a fact of life, people are going to grow, people are going to change. In your relationship, know that each of you are going to grow, through maturation, through different experiences, etc. Growth is a given, and in a relationship this growth will take one of two directions … you will either grow apart, or you will grow together. The former requires no effort, just keep doing mindlessly forward and it will likely occur. The later, on the other hand, required awareness and conscious choices, it requires effort.
The biggest lesson I take away from all of this is that it is a choice! We all know that things left on their own will eventually deteriorate. Don't let your relationship fall victim to this. Learn to look for and acknowledge, on a regular basis, the things that you appreciate about your partner. Be willing to be open and share the things you enjoy, and listen to the other when they do the same. Never stop learning about your partner, and realize this process never ends.
Creating the relationship you truly desire is possible, just be willing to put the effort, time, and commitment into making it happen. Keep it fresh!
It is one thing to love another, but you never get the full benefit of the relationship until you learn to truly appreciate the other!