Personal Relationships - What is Your Role?
A post I shared on social media years back:
I have been truly blessed to know what it feels like to find the one true love of my life, it is something I celebrate for and with others. I experience daily the joys of being with the right partner and I do believe this is something God intends for us all. Once provided with this opportunity, it is up to us to consciously make the choices that will create that which we truly desire. Here's to creating our dreams!
(If your faith is different than mine, then maybe you can use "I believe this is something intended for us all.")
I am going to speak to some of the concepts behind my words. I will start with something I have said many times before. You are creating your tomorrows with your words and actions of today, so why not do it consciously. First and foremost, you must realize that in many ways, you personally are creating today the relationships you will either enjoy or pay for tomorrow.
Many people I speak with express a desire to be in a caring, loving, giving, and mutually satisfying relationship. Yet, when our conversation gets around to treatment and communication I might hear comments like, "We fight, buts that’s normal. Everybody fights." Really?I believe that we sometimes use words like "normal" when we want to feel better about (justify) our own behaviors... "see, we are just like everyone else." Some things to consider might include:
How do you define fight?
What other behavior have you labeled and accepted as normal without really giving consideration to the long term impact such words or behaviors have on your relationship?
Is a temporary release of pent up emotion worth the potential long term negative effect?
Not only that, if I look at my behavior as normal, then its not something I feel I need to work on. I suggest you give this some thought and maybe even consider a very open and honest discussion about this with your partner.
Do Carolyn and I agree on everything? Absolutely not. Do we raise our voices and scream at each other? Absolutely not. We don't accept that as our normal. It is not something we expect, or would accept.
How many of you remember hearing as a child, "Sticks and stones can my break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Sorry, but I don't buy this for a moment. Words are one of the most powerful things there are, and words, once introduced into your relationship, become part of that relationship forever. You can't just spout off in anger and then tell someone to "just get over it." That’s simply not the way it works.
I wonder how many people out there were in fact given the opportunity for a joyful and rewarding relationship with another, and then let it slip away never considering how their own behavior and words contributed to the downfall of that relationship?
Want to enjoy a wonderful relationship? Then dedicate yourself to creating it!
Anytime you speak to or about the other, do so with only the most positive and affirming words, whether in their presence or not.
Show respect to the other with all your actions.
Take the time to do little things for the other. If you know she/he likes to have a glass of milk around a certain time each night, get up and go get it for them.
If you love someone, then tell them every day.
Tell the other every day one thing you love and admire about them.
Be kind and show tenderness toward one another, always.
Whatever actions you take or words you say, have nothing to do when what they have said or done. You and you alone are responsible for your own words and actions.
I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the idea. Take personal responsible for you own role in building your desired relationship.
In the last three blogs I have spoken more about creating positive relationships. If you want to get some more ideas, please go back and read these:
(True conversation) In the check out line, I had just gotten off the phone with Carolyn – the cashier asks how I'm doing and I respond, Great! I just got off the phone with my wife and nothing lifts me up more that that. She smiles and says we need more men like you. I respond, maybe what we need are more women like my wife. We agree maybe what we need is a balance between the two.
My question to consider: What are each of us doing by our own actions and words to create this balance?
… My gratitude to Carolyn, my wife, the inspiration for much about what I write!